she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
