all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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