I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.