i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.