If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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