he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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