we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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