My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
