Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
