Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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