shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
