Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
