tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
