He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this beer tastes like vomit already
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
