Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
