Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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