Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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