I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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