lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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