You're my little dorito
I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
