When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
