Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
