At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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