I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
