i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
