He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
