The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
