You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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