I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My ass is underappreciated
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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