You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
