god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
