sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
