our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
