if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
