My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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