I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
