I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
