i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
