he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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