bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
