im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
