pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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