The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
