absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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