You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
