franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
