Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
