She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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