And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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