She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
