I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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