Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
