I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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