R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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