They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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