Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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