i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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