wanna go halves on a baby?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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