Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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