I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
