She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry about my life...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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