i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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