when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
