I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am midnight drunk by noon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
