i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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