he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
